Uncertainty

It is probable.  It is possible.  That is most likely what happened, but we will never know 100% for sure.  Those are not the words I expected to hear at the doctor's yesterday when I described my very unusual and slightly off period. 

Turns out  it was, or most likely was, a miscarriage.  I knew something was "going on" last week that wasn't "quite right", but I guess part of me didn't want to face it and I also knew I had a scheduled appointment coming up for the following week.

I wasn't very far along, maybe four or five weeks.  Apparently this is quite common.  It could even be considered a "chemical pregnancy".  I did some research and it was very hard to find accurate numbers: 20% - 25% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first trimester.  This number is most likely even higher.  Many women don't know that they are pregnant if it is very early on, and aren't aware that they are miscarrying.  I know that I need three hands to count all of the women I know personally whom have experienced miscarriages.  Of these women,  I would say close to 1/2 had miscarriages in the double digits.  This is something that used to never be discussed.  Only whispered.  It is nothing to be ashamed of.  I know that I did nothing wrong.

I'm uncertain as to how I should feel.  Should I be sad, should I be relieved.   I do feel very Blessed. I do feel Grateful.   I have had three pregnancies that resulted in my four beautiful children. They are my four Blessings.  I am Blessed that I have 100% support from my family at all times, especially my siblings.  They are my Blessings too.

I know that I cannot dwell on this and must move on. I did take some time yesterday to think of the curly haired little baby that would have been born in January 2013.  Picturing in my mind a little boy that looks like his brothers and sisters.

Please don't be sad for me.  But, take a moment today and Give Thanks for Your Blessings.

the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD
Job 1:21 (KJV)